Cold waves touch my feet, bringing tears to my eyes,
as I struggle with the burden of my sins.
The chosen pathway unknowingly leads me
deep into the chasm.
The distant hills echo my agonized cries
luring me with compassion I got nowhere,
even as the twilight sky left me lonely
with nothing but void.
Losing my last chance to go back forever,
I stand alone, begging the sea to take me
away to the point of no return. For me,
life is an abyss.
An attempt to use the picture prompt and emotion prompt in the Sapphic Ode poem.
Chilling. Well done. I wish I could write as artfully as that.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Synna. I am sure you can. Go for it. :)
DeleteI love the morose tone you've set. It's very Edgar Allen Poe. There are a few lines that aren't hitting 11 syllables by my count. The line "with nothing but void" succeeds in restating an idea from the previous stanza, but doesn't really add anything new to the piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Nathan. :)
DeleteYes, I put it through a syllable counter I found online and made changes.
The plan was to end each stanza with similar effect (chasm, void, abyss). I thought it'd be dramatic.
I absolutely loved the way you ended each stanza, I think your wanted effect by ending them all with similar effect really worked. At least it did on me.
ReplyDeleteThank yo so much. :)
DeleteThat's a nice name for a blog. ;)