Smiling like a star,
with ice in my veins.
Sparkling like a gem,
with ice in my veins.
Voice of an angel,
with ice in my veins.
Dressed like a doll,
with ice in my veins.
Skin smooth as satin,
with ice in my veins.
Laughing like a child,
with ice in my veins.
Moving like a temptress,
with ice in my veins.
Living like a queen,
with ice in my veins.
Alone among hundreds,
with ice in my veins.
No one to trust,
with ice in my veins.
Staring at the fake smiles,
with ice in my veins.
My heart froze long ago,
with ice in my veins.
Alive, but dead inside,
with ice in my veins.
What a life to live,
with ice in my veins!!!
Chant style poem.
The contrasts you set up between the seemingly happier first lines and the dark repeated line works really well to establish an untrustworthy narrator. Certain lines, especially "laughing like a child", make this feel sinister. The narrator is changing as the poem continues. Moving from "doll" to "temptress" to "queen" gives me the impression that this person has been apathetic for years.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the review, Nate. It's been some time since I wrote a poem.
DeleteYes, you are right on target. She was apathetic for so long, she is lost the ability to differentiate between the good and the fake. For her, everything is artificial.
This is chilling (forgive the word choice). Even though the first few lines were "positive" descriptions, they still rang false when coupled with the refrain. As if it is all a mask for the benefit of others. I think many can identify with that. Lovely work!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Schreier. I'd take 'chilling' any day. The word isn't used casually. :)
DeleteGreat poem. I like the contrast between the positives at the beginning and the "ice in my veins" chorus. After I reread it, I realized the positives were actually only "surface" positives and not deeper ones. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Jen. :)
DeleteYes, the positives were just a mask. Her truth was the refrain line.