The image is taken from Pixabay
Flying in the dark sky on a cold evening,
small wings fluttering against the wintry chill,
searching in vain for the warmth of the lost home;
bird's quest for a nest.
Vast empty land greets the tried bird from beneath,
neither a tree nor a brick shelter in sight,
hungry and desperate for a miracle;
the bird gave up flight.
Not so far away, a mother sat waiting,
hoping for the return of its young fledgling,
buried deep under the layers of fresh white snow;
the nest was empty.
The first star rose higher, spreading its magic,
the breeze nudging the brave one to destiny,
a shallow and a sparrow found each other;
the nest was happy.
Sapphic Ode
Beautiful poem, loved the happy ending!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! :)
DeleteThis is beautiful and I love the ending!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Myna. I wanted a positive and hopeful ending. :)
DeleteYou worked hard to insert inner rhyme throughout this piece. I liked how it hinted toward the happy ending. The earth greeting the bird from below was a vivid image. You may want to include a verb in the first stanza to create a little energy. Maybe turn "fluttering" into "flutter" or "fluttered." There's a verb tense change in the second stanza I wasn't sure how to interpret. I don't think the bird giving up flight was in the past. It seemed to give up because it couldn't find a place to perch.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, Nathan. :)
DeleteYes, fluttered sounds better. I'll change it now.
Yes, again. It gives up flight because there was no place to perch. It happens in the present.
I like how you move from/balance "desperate for a miracle" to "spreading its magic." The language here does have a heroic feel--"vast empty land" and "brave one to destiny"--nicely contrasted with the simplicity of the final line in each of the last two stanzas.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, Jennifer. :)
DeleteThis was a well-balance piece. Thank you for adding the happy ending!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, Michelle. I couldn't write a sad ending for this one.
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