The image is taken from Google and edited.
It was middle of the night
when a flutter of wings
through the open window
gently shook him from his dreams.
He blinked in surprise
as the nymph blew him a kiss
and faded into the dark night,
luring him to step out of the house.
A flash caught his eye;
was it the nymph or a shooting star?
Mesmerized by the glittery wings,
he followed her into the woods.
She darted from one tree to another,
her tinkling laugh teasing his senses.
Tripping over roots and dead trees,
he lunged to grab her, to own her.
Deep in the thick forest, she enticed and vanished in a blink.
Bewildered, he heaved and huffed,
as fear tingled on his skin.
Soft voices floated around him,
easing his racing pulse.
The nymph danced with her friends,
their sparkle lighting up the delicate blooms.
His feet grew roots into the earth;
his limbs sprouted tender leaves;
tears flowed from his eyes,
as the breeze purified his heart and soul.
His vow to save the trees
echoed in the silence,
after the nymphs left him alone
reflect upon the damage humans do the Nature.
I loved the imagery clear through to the end and your choice to transform him into a tree to join the magic. The last line took me out of it a bit, but overall, magical.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Margaret. I was having trouble with trying to give it a proper ending. :)
DeleteI love how you set the scene for us right away.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled a little over the "grew roost" line... Not sure if it was a typo and you meant "roots" or if it was a deliberate word choice.
In all, this is lovely and magical!
Thank you so much. :) It was a typo.
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ReplyDeleteThere was an important underlying message in this piece that got a little lost in the form issues. I love that you're embracing poetry forms at the moment, and it's exciting to see you trying your hand at new things.
ReplyDeleteI had some trouble with the scansion in this piece, and it doesn't conform to the ae freislighe form (which admittedly doesn't have scansion requirements). There were also a couple of instances where I wondered whether the word you'd written was the word you'd meant ("roost" instead of "roots", for example). It's always worth the extra time to read through just once more to check for those little things.
I did really enjoy the magical and mystical about this poem, and I wonder what it'd look like if you extended it a little into a flash fiction piece.
Hi, Asha. I used the sentence prompt "He followed her to the woods" for this poem. I haven't followed this month's style (ae freslighe) for the poem.
DeleteThe 'roost' was a bad typo indeed.
Thank you for the detailed feedback. :)
I'll take your advise and extend it into a flash fiction.
Maybe I can post it in future. :)