Sunday, April 1, 2018

I am not Envious!

The image is taken from tyronepierre.com


In the crowded room,
as flash caught my eye,
I gasped.
Diamonds- uncut and pure,
glittered around a thick neck.
My hand closed over
the two dollar trinket,
choking my voice.
She was such a show-off.

My car stuttered to a stop
when the signal turned red,
The sound making me cringe.
Even as a sleek car paused,
silent than a panther.
My eyes widened and narrowed.
Longer than my apartment,
it screamed money and power.
Here comes the idle son of a rich man.

Eyes glued to the screen,
I type faster than a flying comet.
"I've been promoted."
She whispered and giggled.
My fingers curl into a fist.
Three years of toiling,
I am invisible to the manager.
With a fake smile and flashy accent,
she waltzes right over me.

An abandoned basket stood
outside my neighbor's door.
Something whimpered, I peeked.
Soft as cotton, white as a daisy,
it stared at me, unblinking.
Jaw clenched, I hand it over,
as her pale cheeks turned red.
So the wrinkled husband gave her a kitten.
The old couple was nauseatingly in love.

My house is clean, empty.
I have no friends to laugh with me.
Nor do I have pets to comfort me.
Why does the fat party woman deserve diamonds?
What did the rich son do to earn the flashy car?
How could a snobbish female be superior to me at work?
Why should an ugly old woman need so much love?
This would is unfair to me.
I rightfully deserve better than them.






For this week I had to write using one of the Seven Deadly Sins. I chose Envy. It wasn't as easy I thought it would be writing in the first person. I can only hope I did some justice to the poem.

5 comments:

  1. words and phrases like "two dollar trinket," "nauseatingly," and "waltzes over me" are effective ways to convey tone to the reader. I think the point of the poem was clear even without the title and the last line. All the thoughts ending at the end of each line made my reading of the poem very staccato. Maybe a few tweaks here and there to insert enjambment into some of the lines might loosen up the poem's flow?

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Nathan.
      I will try and make a few changes to get the flow right.
      Do you mind if I ping you again after the changes?

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    2. Made a few changes. Hope it reads better now.

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  2. Hello there! Firstly, I just wanted to say I love that you used a character from Disney's Inside Out as your picture for this piece!

    The piece itself is really neat because I think it's something we all struggle with from time to time. I agree with Nathan that your chosen words and phrases did a good job conveying the feeling of envy without ever actually naming it. I related very much to this line: "Longer than my apartment." I've thought that so many times! Anyway, good job!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Anna.
      One look at the picture and I had to use it, lol. :D
      There is a little envy is all of us. :)

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