She stood on top of the hill,
her eyes on the distant land
even as her sheep grazed
patches of fresh green grass.
Her dog, a loyal companion, stood guard
ears twitching at the slightest sound.
Running across the open space,
determined to protect the herd of sheep.
Growing up on a tiny farm,
imagination filled the blanks
real world could not answer,
leaving her to create a kingdom of her own.
Panting by Mrs. Ratna Pochiraju
You've painted a scene that I could well escape into - the shepherd girl, the sheep and the dog. Idyllic.
ReplyDeleteLovely, pastoral scene. "Imagination filled the blanks / real world could not answer" is a nice touch.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. :)
DeleteYou nailed the setting and the narrator's oppressed wanderlust. A few line breaks were awkward. Generally, poets write individual lines to read like mini-poems within the poem. So "even as her sheep grazed on the/" felt like a mistake. (deleting "on the" might solve it.) Same with "Running across the open space, the dog was/."
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Nathan. I will edit it immediately.
DeleteI'm glad I started participating in the challenges, I am learning a lot.
Update: Edited. :)
DeleteI really like the way you gave her imagination reason and room to exist. The way she daydreams through her daily chores is very familiar.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Asha. :)
Delete