Monday, March 5, 2018

Shepherd Girl (Version 2)


She stood on top of the hill,
her eyes on the distant land
even as her sheep grazed
patches of fresh green grass.

Her dog, a loyal companion, stood guard
ears twitching at the slightest sound.
Running across the open space,
determined to protect the herd of sheep.

Growing up on a tiny farm,
imagination filled the blanks
real world could not answer,
leaving her to create a kingdom of her own.


Panting by Mrs. Ratna Pochiraju

9 comments:

  1. You've painted a scene that I could well escape into - the shepherd girl, the sheep and the dog. Idyllic.

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  2. Lovely, pastoral scene. "Imagination filled the blanks / real world could not answer" is a nice touch.

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  3. You nailed the setting and the narrator's oppressed wanderlust. A few line breaks were awkward. Generally, poets write individual lines to read like mini-poems within the poem. So "even as her sheep grazed on the/" felt like a mistake. (deleting "on the" might solve it.) Same with "Running across the open space, the dog was/."

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Nathan. I will edit it immediately.
      I'm glad I started participating in the challenges, I am learning a lot.

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  4. I really like the way you gave her imagination reason and room to exist. The way she daydreams through her daily chores is very familiar.

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