The image is taken from PetGuide website.
My world was small and bare
As I kept swimming in circles
A handful of pebbles at the bottom
As I kept swimming in circles
Sad and dull, moody and sulking
As I kept swimming in circles
All alone, I owned the house
As I kept swimming in circles
gobbling the tasteless food
As I kept swimming in circles
The little girl giggled and clapped
As I kept swimming in circles
My sorrow sighs drowned in her squeals
As I kept swimming in circles
She had friends to play with
As I kept swimming in circles
I stared at the glass wall surrounding me
As I kept swimming in circles
Where are my friends, I cried
As I kept swimming in circles
My tears lost in the water surrounding me
As I kept swimming in circles
keeping my heartbreak a secret
As I kept swimming in circles
I knocked my head against the glass
As I kept swimming in circles
Hoping I'd go back to the sea
As I kept swimming in circles
Alas, I was flushed into murky waters
As I kept swimming in circles
The repetition of the chant format works really well with your subject! I liked the sound of the kenning "sorrow-sighs". The last line, to me, seemed unnecessary; you could end with him still swimming in circles hoping for the sea, and it would fit thematically.
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
DeleteI felt the end seemed odd, so added a kind of concluding line. Maybe, I should have let it be.